"ONCE I WAS BLIND..."
by Rev. Sam Thompson
Founder & President
I remember the first time I realized I was "different." I was four or five at the time. I wanted to play baseball with my older brothers but one of them told me I could not see what I was doing.I remember asking my mother if God loved me. "Yes," she replied. My next question marked the beginning of a long period when I questioned the reason for my existence. "If God loves me, why didn't He make me like my brothers and sisters? Why did He make me blind?"
My parents were religious, although they were not Christians at the time. During my early childhood they took me to church every Sunday and taught the Bible at home through the week. I knew that God was supposed to love everyone. I knew that Jesus healed the sick. I even knew that He had healed a few blind men.
So, if God loves, He must heal -- right? Because of my immature and incomplete understanding I began to feel that God did not love me as much as He loved others.
At the age of six, I began attending a state school for the blind in the Midwest, but there my religious instruction was limited.
During weekends when I visited my parents I was introduced to a congregation of seemingly loving, caring and committed people. The pastor shared the Gospel, and I accepted Jesus as my Saviour. I was 11.
Immediately after I accepted Christ, I was told that God wanted to give me my eyesight. I was asked if representatives from the congregation could lay hands on me and pray that I would receive my sight.
You can never imagine how excited I was! The questions I had asked my mother when I was younger echoed in my mind. Of course, I said "yes" without reservations.
The pastor covered my eyes with both of his hands. A group of people gathered around me. They prayed, they shook me and they yelled at me, commanding the demons to come out of my body. They cried and then waited silently.
The pastor removed his hands from my eyes and I was as blind as I had been the first 11 years of my life. I was told that the reason I had not been healed was because my faith was insufficient -- quite a blow for an 11-year-old who had accepted Christ only moments earlier. Once again, the question arose in my mind, "Does God love me?"
I returned after Christmas vacation to a group of people at the blind school who ridiculed me for my newfound faith. I was even threatened with expulsion if I did not stop telling my fellow students that Jesus loved them. Always lingering in my mind was the statement by the pastor of that small church, "You just do not have enough faith." I began to wonder if I had actually accepted Christ at all.
During my junior and senior years, my humanistic-minded teachers told me that God was "the potential I had within." I only had to reach inside and discover Him. But the further inside I reached the more emptiness I found. At the same time, the Holy Spirit was trying to remind me of the love of Christ.
I did not know where to turn, so I turned to my rebellious friends and discovered that they, too, were as frustrated as I.
Perhaps the climax of this period of anxiety came when my parents moved to Florida in 1972, just before I began the last semester of my senior year in high school. I had to transfer to a public school where I was faced with significant changes. Instead of belonging to a class of 14, I was now a member of a class of over 200. I moved from being President of the Senior Class to being another face in the crowd. But most of all, I realized there were no other blind students, no one I could identify with. I was alone. Loneliness, anguish, and peer pressure influenced me to take on the habits and attitudes of my new-found friends.
I awoke one morning to discover that all I possessed were a few so-called friends, an addiction to alcohol, a massive indebtedness and eyes that still did not work. The feeling of bitterness that welled up within me was uncontrollable. I hated my friends, my lifestyle and I even thought I hated God. I felt as though I were a pawn on some huge chess board and God was toying with me. I remember shouting, "God, if You have a purpose in my life, why don't You show me?"
A few weeks later I began to see His plan for my life unfold. While attending a layman's retreat at Lake Swan Camp, Melrose, Florida, the Gospel came alive for me once again. For the first time in years I understood. I realized that I could not blame God for my mistakes. I could not assume He was going to do any more than He had already done to release me from my bondage. He had given His Son; He was not going to do any more for me until I yielded my life to Him totally.
I realized that the peace and happiness I had been looking for were always within reach. I re-dedicated my life to Christ and immediately was called by God to be a minister of the Gospel. I learned what it meant to be "a new creature." The old habits and desires were gone. I had a fervent desire for the Bible. God gave me new friends and allowed me to minister to my old ones.
The only thing I still struggled with after my re-dedication was that God had not given me my sight. I used to beg Him for it. In April of 1979, God revealed to me why He had chosen not to grant my request. He gave to me, and a small group of others (including Ann Cherry, the girl who later became my wife), the burden to begin a ministry for the blind. In that same month we founded Clearer Vision Ministries, Inc., an organization committed to providing spiritual and educational opportunities for the print impaired and other people with disabilities..
Since November 29, 1974, God has reshaped my whole attitude toward life, my purpose for living, and Himself. I can best sum up the change by quoting A. B. Simpson's great hymn, "Himself": "Once I tried to use Him, now He uses me." My one desire is that others will learn through me of the life-changing Truths that are in God's Word, including the transformation that takes place when Jesus Christ is renewed into a life as Saviour and Lord.
Rev. Sam Thompson
Founder & President
Be sure to read Sam's insightful columns: "From the President's Desk"
